How you can help
Ways to help
When a loved one dies it is normal to experience a range of overwhelming and sometimes confusing emotions.
You may find it difficult to cope with the everyday practical and emotional needs of your children alongside dealing with traumatic events surrounding the death and changes in your circumstances.
During the first few weeks there may be many people around you but after the funeral has taken place and everyone has returned to their own lives you may feel alone and isolated.
Although most people will try to be helpful and offer well-intentioned advice this can sometimes create even more confusion and make you feel as though no-one really understands your situation.
However if you are fortunate enough to have a close family/friend support network then do ask for their help as they will often be all too pleased to feel useful in some way.
Remember you need to look after yourself and involving another adult can help share the load.
When talking to your child be honest about what has happened, using words they can understand. It is important to let them know that they are still loved and very special and that you have time to listen to their fears and worries.
It is all right to cry with your child.
Try to use clear and simple words when talking to your child as they can often misinterpret the language we use. For example if you say ‘mummy fell asleep and did not wake up’, then a child may be afraid of going to sleep, or ‘we lost your granny’ as children could then fear becoming lost while out shopping etc.
It is helpful to let the school know what has happened as they can often be a great source of support for your child once they know and understand the impact of grief in children.
Children may find it difficult to concentrate on their school-work and you may notice a change in their behaviour. These responses are normal and with appropriate support a child can begin to understand their feelings and rebuild their life again with your help.
Try to keep boundaries and routine as much as possible, this will help your child to understand that their daily life will continue.
How Mosaic can help
At Mosaic our staff are trained to help you to help your children. We will come and see you in your home and listen to what has happened in your family. We will work with you and your child helping you to create memories of the person and talk to each other about your life with them.
All the children and young people are invited to a Residential Weekend where they talk about their feelings and what has happened as well as having fun and meeting others who have had similar experiences. The parents also meet at a nearby venue.
Families who have attended these weekends have said how positive the experience has been:
“Through all the sadness and tears, I feel a real hope has arrived. My daughter does not feel ‘the odd one out anymore’”
“On the way home my son talked for the first time about his dad who died 4 years ago”
“Since then, I have had some of the closest times with my children. They feel more able to talk and ask questions about their mum. It has shown me how ‘HEAR’ my children even when it is hard”
Some children may become withdrawn while others may become angry or sad. All these are normal reactions. Children at different stages of development have different understandings of what death means and why people have to die.
Some questions children ask are:
Was it my fault?
Will you die? (to the remaining parent)
Is it going to happen to me?
Who will take care of me?
Ways to help
When a loved one dies it is normal to experience a range of overwhelming and sometimes confusing emotions.
You may find it difficult to cope with the everyday practical and emotional needs of your children alongside dealing with traumatic events surrounding the death and changes in your circumstances.
During the first few weeks there may be many people around you but after the funeral has taken place and everyone has returned to their own lives you may feel alone and isolated.
Although most people will try to be helpful and offer well-intentioned advice this can sometimes create even more confusion and make you feel as though no-one really understands your situation.
However if you are fortunate enough to have a close family/friend support network then do ask for their help as they will often be all too pleased to feel useful in some way.
Remember you need to look after yourself and involving another adult can help share the load.
When talking to your child be honest about what has happened, using words they can understand. It is important to let them know that they are still loved and very special and that you have time to listen to their fears and worries.
It is all right to cry with your child.
Try to use clear and simple words when talking to your child as they can often misinterpret the language we use. For example if you say ‘mummy fell asleep and did not wake up’, then a child may be afraid of going to sleep, or ‘we lost your granny’ as children could then fear becoming lost while out shopping etc.
It is helpful to let the school know what has happened as they can often be a great source of support for your child once they know and understand the impact of grief in children.
Children may find it difficult to concentrate on their school-work and you may notice a change in their behaviour. These responses are normal and with appropriate support a child can begin to understand their feelings and rebuild their life again with your help.
Try to keep boundaries and routine as much as possible, this will help your child to understand that their daily life will continue.
How Mosaic can help
At Mosaic our staff are trained to help you to help your children. We will come and see you in your home and listen to what has happened in your family. We will work with you and your child helping you to create memories of the person and talk to each other about your life with them.
All the children and young people are invited to a Residential Weekend where they talk about their feelings and what has happened as well as having fun and meeting others who have had similar experiences. The parents also meet at a nearby venue.
Families who have attended these weekends have said how positive the experience has been:
“Through all the sadness and tears, I feel a real hope has arrived. My daughter does not feel ‘the odd one out anymore’”
“On the way home my son talked for the first time about his dad who died 4 years ago”
“Since then, I have had some of the closest times with my children. They feel more able to talk and ask questions about their mum. It has shown me how ‘HEAR’ my children even when it is hard”
Some children may become withdrawn while others may become angry or sad. All these are normal reactions. Children at different stages of development have different understandings of what death means and why people have to die.
Some questions children ask are:
Was it my fault?
Will you die? (to the remaining parent)
Is it going to happen to me?
Who will take care of me?
